Please post your introduction(s) here. Be sure to:
1. Type your name before the introduction.
2. Try to interest your reader.
3. Provide interesting and useful context of imperialism.
4. Provide a clear thesis.
5. Cite your sources (author's last name page number or date you viewed the url).
Indenting
and italics do not show up in the blog so don't worry. With two
paragraphs, enter in a few line spaces to show a difference between the
two paragraphs.
MARIAM YAFAI
ReplyDeletePARAGRAPH 1: Imperialism is a policy where a stronger nation attempts to control and weaker nation economy and politics. The British were one of the many nations that decided to become imperalist. The British, like all imperialist, imperialized in order to gain natural resources, raw material, new market places, and a cheap labor supply. The British were able to do this because they industrialized first which made them advanced technology, giving them a high advantages when fighting other nations/countries (imperialism-power-point). The British did benefit from imperialism while the imperialized didn’t. Some of the imperialized countries were the Indians, the Africans, and the Burmese. They did benefit from imperialism but the harms over weighted it.
PARAGRAPH 2: Imperialism started to happen more often around the 1800s. Imperialism is when a stronger nation attempts to control and weaker nation’s economy and politics. The most dominant imperialist were the British, Germany, France, the United States, Russia, and Japan. The countries that were imperialized were Africa, China, India, Burma, and many others (the-age-of-imperialism). The imperialized countries were easy to control because they weren’t as advanced as the imperialist, who had powerful technology (imperialism-power-point). The imperialized countries had resources that the imerialist needed for their country. Imperialism benefitted the imperialist but did many harms to the imperialized.
hey wifeu finally wrote you the original poem ;) here it goes:
DeleteA pet peeve i want to get out of the way with saying first, is "The British, like all imperialist, imperialize..." (second sentence) Youre just staing the obvious, imperialism, imperialist, sailing the same ship babe, no need to say that. Secondly, in that same sentence you said that imperialist want resources and good, but why would they want that if you said imperialism is all about controlling a nation? Either clarify that in your paragraph or change your definition of imperialism.You also say "The British were able to do this because..." (third sentence) what's "this"?
In your second paragraph, fist line dont say "more often around" but instead "during" b/c it sounds like you're questioning yourself (readers smell fear)and no need to repeat you definition of imperialism, we know what it is. Btw the US aren't imperialist. I guess once you work on that then you can write a more detailed, specfic (not too specific) intro, since it's obvious you know what you want to say and what point you want to make, so your pretty great, because the biggest probelm i see i word choice, so that is something that can be fixed but ya all in all, i like where you're going
I saved no stone unturned for my wife, tell me what you think of my poem ;)
I have a problem with this introduction.... that it wasn't posted earlier. Because then I would know how bad you are... and by bad, i mean Michael Jackson bad. You know how he looked really really bad at the end of his life? Well, lets put it this way... pack your stuff. You're kicked out of the class.. BECAUSE you should be writing at the finest school in the world. Just not in any world that I live in. This, is not fit...for human consumption. No! THIS... should be read...by a higher life-form.
DeleteGOOD JOB, ROWIDAAAA. <3
OMG Is my hommie G!!!1!!11!!
Deletethanks 4 backin' me up yo!
Overall, you present good points and ideas while stating your position clearly. However, you should revise the structure of your paragraphs since I found a few grammar errors; mainly in paragraph one. For example, you write "nation attempts to control and weaker nation economy and politics". Errors like this make your point unclear and confusing so try your best to fix them! :]
DeleteThank you Rowida for the poem and thank you Josephine for the advice and Jennifer for backing Rowida up. i will make sure I keep this in mind for the essay
DeleteIn general, your introduction was done really nicely. However, I would include some bit of explanation. For example, towards the end of first paragraph, how exactly did British being an industrialize and imperialist nation hurt the natives? Same thing goes with the second paragraph, how does imperialists controls hurt the natives?
DeleteYour context are strong, but it will be even stronger if you were able to explain it a little more. I think once you add some explanation to the context, it would be perfect. Good job! :)
Thank you Kemin for the advice i will do all this. Thanks for helping me.
DeleteBy the way, I noticed you cited your powerpoint in your second paragraph. Are we allowed to do that? You should have a back up source just in case the powerpoint is not permitted as a reliable source. In addition, you can also try to make these paragraphs more entertaining for the reader (we're getting graded on that too- its #2). Hope this helped! :]
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DeleteKemin Chen
ReplyDeleteImperialism – the act of a stronger country taking over a weaker country in order to expand and obtain resources while also spreading influence. Imperialism played a huge role in the European lifestyle during the nineteenth century. In fact, for the British, imperialism was sought as a method of educating other nations. The British believed that because they were so advanced, it was their job to help less advanced nation develop (Kipling 1/30/2013). The British began to call this "The White Man's Burden." This burden, along with the highly advance technologies of Britain, was supposedly the spark of the British imperialism. Due to industrialization and extreme nationalism, British began to imperilize other nations.
Nations such as Africa, Burma, and India were easily imperialized due to their lack technological advancements. Once the British took over, they began to impose a new economic practice, a new political system, and a new way of social life. The natives would have their religion forcefully converted, their current social power stripped, and their wealth taken (Frost 1/30/2013). However, in return the British would give the natives new inventions/technologies, proper education, and a stable government and economy. Given these points, British influences were both harmful and beneficial to the imperialized country.
OMG! Finally got the format correct -.-
DeleteGod damn it Kemin, I'm crying of laughter.
DeleteAnyway, reading your intro, you're a great writer! I feel like you give your reader all in information they need without drowning them in too much information. I love that you mention the "white man's burden" also. However, when defining it, a better word choice would be "civilized" than "advanced." I really like your intro and want to erase your name and put mine, but also fix your citations ("last mane" "page#")
Noted. Thanks for the feedback, Rowida :)
DeleteI agree with Rowida, nice job! You presented your "context" or information easily and didn't put too much or too little info. Best of all you didn't bore the reader to death. Nice job!
DeleteKemin forget me im dumb, thats not how you cite!
DeleteLol, okay xD
DeleteGood work, kid!
DeleteBoth of your paragraphs were well developed. It was organized and I clearly understood how Britain's influences were both harmful and benefitual.
DeleteYou gave clear definition of what imperialism is. Without me asking what your question is, I can clearly make out what it is based on your thesis.
Your second paragraph shows benefits and harms due to imperialism. But in the first paragraph, you should include negative aspects of Britain so it can be negatively influenced on the natives.
Overall, your introductions were very interesting and it went from positives and negatives smoothly. Well done!
Teresa Lau
ReplyDeleteDuring the 1800s, imperialism was a popular way for countries to take what they needed. Imperialism is when an industrialized country expands by conquering non advanced countries. Even though Britain was the first country to be industrialized, they needed raw goods and materials (Why did imperialist scramble for Africa). Britain was a strong nation who needed more space for their nation to grow. Britain imperialized other countries to gain land, control and power (Why did imperialist scramble for Africa). Great Britain imperialized many countries like India, Brumes, Africa and many more. From imperialism, Britain benefited economically, and socially.
Although Britain gained a lot from imperialism, they weren’t the only ones who did. Natives, such as Indians benefited culturally. Since Britain imperialized their country, Indians were able to be industrialized. Indians were able to have advanced machinery that they never experienced before (XS 1/22/13). Indians got a chance to discover Britain’s culture (XS 1/22/13). Indians gained ideas that made their society advanced. Between the imperialist and the imperialized countries, the imperialized countries benefited most from imperialism.
I really like how in your second introduction, you made connections with how Indians experienced Industrialization in their culture as well. :) Both of them contain citations and I also love how you started off your second intro with a transition word.
DeleteThe only thing that you need to change is "Brumes" into "Burmese" and in your last sentence, don't include a comma after "economically" since you only talking about two things :)
Overall, you did a nice job!<3
I really liked how you started your first intro paragraph with a topic sentence that grabs your readers attention. I also liked how you defined the word imperialsim for your audience/ grandma. You were very organized with the way you formatted both of your paragraphs. Last, I loved how ypu started your second intro paragraph with a transition word. Nice job!
DeleteThe organization is neat and clear. First paragraph is full of context that sets up the readers for your upcoming thoughts. You also did a good job transitioning into the second paragraph. The thesis was clear and touches upon both sides. As for spelling and grammar, the only error I can find is "Brumes" which should be spelled as "Burmese". Otherwise, good job! :)
DeleteSamaher Musa
ReplyDeleteHumanities Period 8
Introduction #1:
Imperialism played a big role in the nineteenth century. Imperialism is when a powerful nation oppresses a weaker nation. One country that lacked the amount of land and began to imperialize was Great Britain. The Industrial Revolution gave European nations, or specifically Great Britain, the ability to colonize in Africa and India. Both of these countries were a great source for raw materials, however, Africa was special because they were developing new markets. When Great Britain imperialized Africa and India, they gained new markets, new land, natural resources, military bases, and in some cases Great Britain spread their ideas and beliefs such as Christianity.
Introduction #2:
Nevertheless, India was imperialized by the British, or Great Britain. In the book Nectar in a Sieve, by Kamala Markandaya, Rukmani, the main character, and her village were going through a transformation. For example, Rukmani’s father lost “power” or lost his place as a leader of the village to the British because the British were viewed as powerful individuals whom people look up to. That’s because they have fancy clothes and money in their pockets. The British then built tanneries, or work places, for the people of India just to grab the Indians attention of how the British are here to help them, not harm them. (Markandaya 4, 32) Overall, the nineteenth century imperialism aided the societies involved such as India and Africa.
The first paragraph went straight to the point. It showed me that Britian was industrialized and had the power to colonize other countries.
DeleteFor the second paragraph I love how you used a transition word to introduce your second paragraph. Nice work!
Thanks Teresa!! ;)
DeleteSamaher your paragraphs are beautifully written and straight to the point as well. The content was extremely organized giving clear and concise background information for the read to be able to understand. Samaher, as Ms. Karvunis mentioned yesterday, you should cite facts since all of this is actually common knowledge. I know this is hard but add a little more to interest your reader by using “fancy” and interesting facts to intrigue the reader and make them want to learn even more. Your thesis was clear and gave me the whole argument of both sides to your question as well. Good job for no grammar mistakes! Just remember to cite and intrigue the reader.
DeleteThanks Jenna! I will be sure to do that when I revise my intro paragraphs!
DeleteFor the first paragraph, you drew my attention when you said that Africa gained new markets and resources. In general, you can say that natives improved "economically."
DeleteYour thesis was understandable. I see how imperialism benefited natives.
When you cite, you should not say "...by Kamala..." You should use parenthesis.
Overall, it was interesting how you transit from Britian to the natives. Nice job!
Thanks Teresa but in the beginning when I wrote by Kamala, I was introducing the book.
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ReplyDeleteJenna Xian
ReplyDeleteImperialism is when a stronger country takes over a weaker country for own benefits. During the late 1800s and early 1900s Europeans, including Britain explored regions to imperialize, more popularly known as the age of imperialism (Vontz 93). Britain gained control or imperialized India, parts of Africa and Burma. Like many European countries, Britain was industrialized and far more technologically advance along with a better military and navy. Britain’s intentions were like any other European country, to gain more resources and raw material for new markets, nationalism, and for a stronger military (Caswell 1/22/13). By imperializing natives forcefully from different parts of the world British profited because of the new trades flowing their direction (Ellis and Esler 664). British benefited themselves with no consent from the foreign natives.
Despite Britain’s forceful gain forgetting natives consent, natives managed to benefit from being imperialized. British helped by taking up the white man’s burden. British helped natives such as Africans, Indians and Burmese to advance with factories and technology (Kipling 1/30/13). The colonization of Africa, India and Burma helped their land advance further into the field. If British didn’t imperialize the natives in Africa would’ve never been educated and become more equal with better status. British made life easier for the most part by supplying them with plows and better clothing (Kumalo 10/30/13). British helped natives in Africa, Burma and India in more ways than just one. In comparison the positive aspects or benefits did outweigh the negative aspects.
Your introduction is very clear. It contains a clear understanding of what you are trying to prove. However, it can be improved by giving more context on the issue. When reading it, I was not confused at all. But at times, it would feel like a cliff hanger. Check your organization, because some of the context you have given seemed "out of place." Overall, very good job, Jenna :)
DeleteJenna, I liked how you defined the word imperialsim. I also like how you didn't use to many pronouns and wrote the subject or person/places that you were refering to. Overall, your intro paragraphs were very organized with the right amount of information and your thesis was very nice too. Nice job!
DeleteThanks Samaher and Joshua! I understand what you are talknig about Joshua. I have a bad habit of horrible orginzation at times, thansk for pointing that out. I will fix and revise my introduction with your help.
DeleteImperialism is when a country takes over another country, militarily or economically, to get raw resources and to spread their own culture and ideas. During the 19th and 20th centuries, many european countries and japan imperialized foreign lands and countries. One of these countries was Great Britain. Great Britan imperialized areas of India, China, and Burma. In these countries, Great Britain imported its technology, industries, culture, ideas, and some of its education ("His Story" Ndansi Kumalo, interview, 1932).
ReplyDeleteImperialism affected India in many ways. British people tried to educate the indians, in which ways they thought was best. British people usually looked down on Indians, thinking of them as inferior, primitive, uncivilized, and servantile (the real "White Man's Burden"). This affected the way how native indians were treated by their rulers, the british. As a result of their treatment from the british, native indians resented british rule, and disliked british people often (Shooting An Elephant, by George Orwell).
Oleh, I think that you should try to minimize your first sentence in the first paragraph since imperialism wasn’t all about gaining resources in general and since I think that you’re trying to put a general statement or definition. Imperialism started long ago and was not exactly for raw resources, as said in the encyclopedia source I read just the other day. In terms of organization it is perfectly clear to me but you can put an obvious thesis statement and not end with evidence. To end with evidence kind of confused me on what you were trying to state. It was interesting to read since it was so short and to the point. A mistake I found in grammar wise is: As a result of their treatment from the british, native indians resented british rule, and disliked british people often (Shooting An Elephant, by George Orwell). Since this is paraphrased and not a direct quote you should capitalize nation’s names.
DeleteIf you think that the first sentance says that imperialism is ONLY about getting resources, then you need to reread it.
DeleteThe flow of the sentences are perfectly fine. For grammar, just remember that you have to capitalize the first letter of countries such as Britain and Japan, and also European. Since you mentioned that Japan was an imperialist country you should add a little more context about their imperialism history; don't make Great Britain the main focus if you mention Japan as well. In the second paragraph where you mention the Indians being mistreated by the British put a little more information on how they were mistreated, so you can emphasize the negative aspects of imperialism. The rest of your context is accurate and you made the paragraphs interesting by using more advanced vocabulary words. For your thesis, i am unsure what you are trying to prove. Is it that imperialism had many kinds of effects or is it that the imperialists brought harm on to the natives? Overall, you have to elaborate a little more, but you definitely have the main points a reader needs to understand :)
DeleteOh, i read it wrong the first time sorry.
DeleteThe act of imperializing is a powerful force that completely alters the history of a country. To imperialize means to take control of an empire or foreign country in order to gain land, natural resources, or spread a new idea/belief. Imperialism of the nineteenth and twentieth century began with European countries, foremost Britain. Great Britain took advantage of the advancements it acquired during the Industrial Revolution. The Revolution transpired during the late 1700s to the early 1800s. New machines such as the spinning mule and the cotton gin developed during Industrialization (Ellis and Esler). British people's lives were made easier thanks to these inventions and new methods of travel. The Industrial Revolution played a large role in the success of British expansion. China, Africa, India, and Burma all became victims of British domination. These lands all had materials that Britain lacked, but was in dire need of. They had spices, rice, wood, cotton, and an abundance of land. When Britain took over these countries, it had access to the resources it required. These newly obtained resources helped Britain retain its world power status and remain a central nation.
ReplyDeleteDuring the 1800s, Britain was a domineering, technologically advanced country that easily imperialized lesser advanced nations. Africa, Burma, India, and China did not have intricate technology, but rather possessed valuable raw material that Britain did not have (Empire and Imperialism). Britain imperialized these countries and continuously expanded their land. Britain established a new foundation in these countries. The history of the imperialized countries renovated after being exposed to British supremacy. For example, India, a once rural and agricultural land was now made up of buildings, schools, railroads, and churches. These alterations allowed the country to progress and become more modern. more citizens were educated and employed after Britain's expansion (Introduction to Imperialism). Furthermore,new religions spread that allowed the people to have a new philosophy to believe in. All things considered, the imperialized and the imperialists benefited from each other and became prosperous nations.
So beautiful paragraphs.
DeleteNice job! Organization for both pargraphs really flowed throughout the British and native side. The paragraphs had reasonable amounts of context in order for the reader to understand. I really liked how you used stronger vocabulary instead of the frequently used ones to explain your point. However, in the first paragraph I think you forgot to cite where you got your info on how imperialism was made easier for the British. Other than that the introduction was good and clear.
DeleteRaymond Chan
ReplyDeleteParagraph 1: During the nineteenth century, imperialism had played a significant role. Imperialism is when a dominant country establishes control over a weaker country government. During imperialism, Britain was seen as the top power of the imperialists. Despite being a small country, the country both had very strong navy. It was during this time that military technology was most beneficial for countries to imperialize. Technology was shown as how much power one country had and was used as a tool by Britain, in order for them to obtain dominance over the natives. The British therefore gained resources, raw goods, cheap labor and expansion of land for their country and help them improve. (Jackson 1/30/13) However, with the natives being dominated by the European powers, it caused the problem of Europe having the mindset of only benefiting for their own people and not for the imperialized land focusing on only their flaws in their country. Imperialism therefore, helped the imperialists more than the natives and as a result, did not help overweigh its negative aspects.
Paragraph 2: The natives lived in poor countries that grew resources valuable to other nations. (Why the Imperialists Scrambled for Africa) As a result, imperialists from Europe came in to imperialize and inherit these resources in order to establish their land. Africa, Burma India and many other countries were all targeted by imperialism due to not having the advanced technology Europeans had. The imperialists did give the natives benefits from education to religion, to help the nations improve. (Roy 1, 2) Though these ideas were very thoughtful by the imperialists, in the long run these imperialized countries struggled since they were not taught things they did not already know. This would then make the British and the rest of the European powers have the most success out of imperialism with the natives not having significant improvements at all.
Raymond your first paragraph was great i really liked it.The second one was good to but there are things you can add. What were the imperialized not taught? The Europeans didn't inherit the resources, they took it.Inherit is when something is passed down to you. but overall, it was really good introductions.
DeleteOrganization- The sentences flow nicely and the order they are in makes sense.
DeleteThesis- The thesis is clear that the natives benefited more than the Imperialists. You did a good job of showing both sides but giving enough information to make your thesis look strong.
Interesting- It was interesting because every sentence had details was not simple.
Content- The context is clear and accurate. Give some context about Industrialization to stress the fact that Britain was the first nation to have advanced technology.
Errors- a weaker "country's" government not country, saying "...the country both had very strong navy" doesnt make sense because it is unclear what the "both" is, and there should be an "a" after had.
Joshua Vera
ReplyDeleteIntroduction #1
Imperialism in the 19th century contains many different aspects, revealing either a beneficial or a harmful impact. Imperialism is another way of saying the policy of extending the rule or authority of an empire/ nation over foreign countries due to its resources or lack of ruling. During the 18th century, Imperialism began within European civilizations especially Britain. European societies became superior due to the fact of experiencing a period of unprecedented rapid expansion during the 18th century. European nations had become very powerful because of a process called industrialization. A revolution occurred before imperialism came into be which was the Industrial Revolution. The Industrial Revolution is called a revolution because it changed society both significantly and rapidly. Four areas of every society was changed due to industrialization and they are technology, urbanization, changes in social structure and working class life (The Industrial Revolution, Global History 3, 12/5/12). This particular revolution gave many European nations an opportunity to become superior. Once a nation/ empire is superior, they begin to imperialize foreign countries. An example of this process would be Britain imperializing India during the 19th century. After the foreign country is conquered which in this case is India, the qualities of their society is completely altered. To be specific, the imperialists, Britain, has the right to interfere with India's beliefs/ traditions. They can also change the education system and replace officials such as officers or head leaders ( The Age Of Imperialism, Global History 3, 1/3/13). By committing these actions, conflicts arise and can create a division among the natives and imperialists. Thus, revealing a negative aspect of imperialism, showing the harmful influences and outcomes that are brought among the conquered foreign countries.
Introduction #2
Foreign countries that were imperialized by superior countries, like Britain, undergone many influences. A few conquered civilizations were, in this case, Africa, India and China. These particular countries experienced different influences to their customs such as a new belief system and a new social hierarchy ( Nationalism, Global History 3, 12/19/12). The indigenous were soon forced to convert beliefs and lower in power. In other words, a head leader or a high authority official basically lost their power due to the imperialists' influences. To add on to what I have said before, the imperialists, Britain, were also advanced in technology. By adding more facilities and factories, many natives are granted a chance to receive a job. The job opportunities that were created for a specific foreign country that were established can benefit the indigenous greatly. Which could lead them to not struggle in poverty, and actually maintain a stable living in this predicament. Although, this may sound like a positive aspect of imperialism, natives from another country could see this as a harm. To be specific, China was against imperialism and was afraid of their land being polluted. They, the Chinese, were actually one of the few that actually rebelled against imperialism which led them to suffer a hard loss ( Boxer Rebellion, Global History 3, 1/11/13). As you can see, imperialism creates many influences that can be beneficial or harmful, but the harmful aspects outweigh the beneficial aspects greatly.
I really like your intro. Its super informative :)! But I think you just added to much information. When you mention the Industrial Revolution it was great point on mentioning the starting point of how imperialism started. However, too much info is too much info! lol! Try cutting down on the entire history of the Industrail Revolution :). Additionally, I like how you mentioned a little bit of the history of what the Europeans did to those they imperialized. But then again you should cut down on the information. Try not to go into so much of the positive and negatives of imperialism. Since you should save all of that for your body paragraphs:). Additionally, if you expalin all of what you said of the benefits of imperialism then the reader can get bored and feel they already know what they need to know on imperialism. Over all I love the effort you put into this :)!!!!
DeleteBoth paragraphs were very informative. There is too much context in the first paragraph that made me confused. In the second paragraph, I think you did a typing error of putting a period between greatly and which. Other than that, thesis, spelling and organization are all fine, well done :)
DeleteYour organization is well done! I understood everything of what you were trying to say and it flowed perfectly<3 Your thesis is beautiful for your second one, but just try to break it down in to two sentences. :) Also, I loved how you used different sources from history in order to provide good context/evidence. The effort you put in truly shows of how bright you are. :) Great job!
DeleteI think you should cut down the information , beacause you can get the reader really bored.
DeleteElizabeth G. Colon
ReplyDeletePeriod 4 Blogpost
The effects of imperialism had great benefits on the world. Europeans countries such as Great Britain, France, Spain, and Germany had just finished undergoing industrialization. By the use of their country’s natural resources they were able to advance in technology. However, when their resources were running out, the Europeans needed to obtain more resources from other places in order to manufacture more technology. Each European country believed in order for their country to be superior to any other they needed to have the most advance technology (Rbaldwin January 25, 2013). Therefore, the European countries decided to imperialize other countries who did not experience industrialization and who were inferior to their technology. They dominated these other countries by setting up political control over them. By doing this the European countries were able to expand on land and resources from the countries they imperialized. The main imperialized nations included Africa, India, and Burma. Consequently, when the European countries dominated these nations they were able to reap benefits from them.
However, the natives of the land that were conquered by each imperialized European nation also benefitted from being imperialized. Before the natives were imperialized by these European nations they did not have advance technology. That is how the Europeans were able to conquer them, since the European had advance technology and the natives did not (Rbaldwin January 25, 2013). Additionally, nations such as India wanted to receive a more efficient learning system than the education system they were being taught with before Great Britain imperialized them (Rammohun Roy). The natives of these countries were subjugated under the rule of different European nations. Yet, behind what the Europeans used from their imperialized nation and what the natives received from the imperialist each had its beneficial aspects. Even though the natives of the imperialized countries were under the control of the superior technology of the Europeans, the natives benefitted from imperialism the most.
WHAT! no one commented on this!!!!!!!
Deletewell ill just have to fix that Rowida to the rescue!!1!
I totally love this, I literally have nothing bad to say about this. I mean like, maybe it's cause I'm not experienced enough to see any, but like i have nothing bad to say.
Keep it up! :D
If you dont like my intro then you might as well make a reservation of one for hell.......bring your gasoline boots while your at it
ReplyDelete-Rowida (You smell bad) Abdelhafez
The Age of Imperialism is a period of history where numerous nations authorized empires and imperialized other nations (Notably notorious is European nations). Imperialism is the course of action where a nationalist, industrialized nation establishes control over one, but usually several, nations' political and economic policies, and influences the nations' social rulings and customs. Imperialist nations may become an empire based on the amount of nations imperialized,such as the British imperialist empire. Great Britain influenced a large portion of the modern countries and nations and also received their own foreign influence during this period of history.
Great Britain had their prized possession of India within their empire. India had always received British influence as a naval and trading post for Britain since 1750, but in 1852 they were conquered as a nation(kinbish 1/16/2013). Because of imperialism, India, nationwide, received new resources, ideas, education and laws that will benefit the nation for generation yet Indians still were were not satisfied. They were still not satisfied since the although the British gave been positive aspects, the negatives such as restricted freedom in their own nation would outweigh the positives.
I like the way you ended your second paragraph with your thesis, it was strong:)! However, you can improve upon your grammar and word choice. Additionally, I know you tried to explain imperialism and its influences. But I felt that you focused too much on the definition of iperialism except on how it benifitted the imperialist and what did they give and recieved from imperialism. Its really hard to understand what are you two sides. Try to show the differnt sides of your essay. Your thesis gave me a clearer view on what the essay might be about.
DeleteI really like the way you presented the information you gave. Also, the context was great, but try and include a bit more on the negative aspects of imperialism. Your thesis included both perspectives; however it is a bit confusing. One more thing that you should improve on is the grammar. You repeated “were” at the end of the second paragraph. The last sentence is also a bit confusing and I couldn’t fully understand what you were trying to say. Other than that, I love it!!
DeleteAsma Alreyashi
ReplyDeleteOne country imperializing another country greatly impacts both countries. The impacts are either positive, or negative. Imperialism is the idea of controlling a weaker/less powerful country in order to receive natural resources, gain land, make profit, and/or spread their beliefs and cultures. During the nineteenth century, British imperialism, along with U.S. imperialism, spread across the world. British and U.S. imperialism spread throughout many countries such as China, Africa, India, and Japan. The U.S. wanted to trade and gain resources from Japan, but Japan refused to do so. Eventually, Japan gave in because they wanted to avoid any attacks that were being implied from the Americans (Millard Fillmore 9-13-1852). Britain wanted power, resources, spices, land, and wanted to make profit. Although Great Britain has an extremely strong navy war ship, multiple warfares, a strong army and great technology, they didn’t have enough land to expand to, thus leading them into imperializing other countries to gain what they seek.
Furthermore, Britain was able to gain what they needed and in return, provided their imperialized lands with plows, clothing, education, medication, peace, and allowed social ranks to increase (Ndansi Kumalo 1932). They also provided a lot of new materials and trade routes (Empire and Imperialism). Although the imperializers gained what they wanted, they are leaving the ones being imperialized helpless. They have no say as to what’s going on in their lives or country. They just have to do as told. They have completely lost their independence and are no longer equal. They are being forced to do things they don’t want to do. Their safety is also being threatened. Even though Great Britain and the U.S. are giving useful items and materials to the people, they are also depriving them of their rights (Ndansi Kumalo 1932). The people who are being imperialized are losing their cultures and beliefs because they are being forced to follow other beliefs/culture. By losing their culture/beliefs, they are losing a big part if their lives. All in all, imperialism both created and destroyed happiness.
Asma , your introduction is very clear and very organized. It is very easy to understand and easy to read. You provide interesting facts that makes it more fun to read. Your thesis should be revised and should be improven on. I think that this thesis is an incomplete thesis because you're suppose to take one side not both. The concluding sentence for your paragraph is kind of long and should be separated into two sentences. I think "imperializers" should be changed into imperialist. Besides these mistakes, I think that your introduction was well written
Deleteim sorry, I forgot a period at the last sentence.
Deletedid it hurt?
Deletewhen you fell down from heaven? ;)
rowida, im sure your face hurt when you fell down
Deletefunny how jimmy thinks im talking about him
Deleteno not until you hit puberty will this comment even begin to ATTEMPT to scratch the surface that compares to you sprinkles.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJimmy Luy
ReplyDeleteParagraph 1:Imperialism is the process whereby the dominant politico-economic interests of one nation expropriate for their own enrichment of the land, labor, raw materials, and markets of another people ( Parenti 1/25/2013). During the 19th century imperialism took place all around the globe. The imperialist consisted of Germany, France, Great Britain, Portugal, Netherlands/Dutch, Belgium, Spain, Italy, Japan, Russia, Austria-Hungary, and America. They imperialize 85% of the earth surface by 1914. They imperialized consisted of Africa, India, China, and the Burmese. The imperialists were in search for new markets to sell their own manufactured goods and for new consumers. Also for new materials for their own industry, such as oil, cotton, rubber, tin, copper, gold, and other natural resources. They also wanted to look for cheap and profitable labor and land for their own benefit (world history imperialism.pdf 1 /25/2013).The imperialists had a large military that was able to conquer and imperialize other countries, and that is what they did for new resources and land. It was also nationalism that had driven them to imperialize other countries. Nationalism is the belief that you have pride in your own county and that your country is the best and above others. These countries not only wanted materials and more land, they also wanted to spread their culture to those that are uncivilized. They wanted to spread their language, traditions, religion, and education to the imperialized.
Paragraph 2:The imperialized also benefited from imperialism too. These benefit consisted of education, new markets, new goods to buy, and more job offers. In book Nectar in a Sieve by Kamala Markandaya, Arjun and Thambi, the main character sons, found work at the tannery and that gave them enough money to support themselves. The imperialists came and offer many people jobs, Arjun and Thambi worked from morning to night and were given a rupee for a day’s work (Markandaya 63).The imperialists provided education to the natives too. The imperialists sent their best sons to the imperialized country and offer them to help the natives (Kipling 1/7/2013). The imperialists were even kind enough to pay for hiring teachers to educate them (Roy’s letter 1/18/2013). They both gained numerous benefits from each other through imperialism. Although they both benefited from imperialism, the imperialists benefited more from imperialism than the natives did.
Jimmy I like the context I think it is okay but the eassy is plain so I think you should make a hook-up statement which will draw the reader more interesting. I think your thesis is clear enough but I guess you could make it more clearer.
DeleteOMG!! I really love your intro paragraphs!! The context is just right and I love how you included statistics. That really made me think about imperialism and brought me to new undertandings. Your thesis is 100% clear and your word choice is good. You can however, watch out for grammar. Just include an "s" if it's plural. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your intro because you kept me entertained and there wasn't any confusion at all.
DeleteAsma is right :) Your two paragraphs are interesting yet informative! Great job!!!:)
DeleteIf a nation is composed of resources then the resources attract attention to other nations. The stronger nation that lacks the resources attempts to gain the resource. Imperialism is when a country takes over a smaller or weaker nation or colony for political, social, or economic reasons. The effects of Imperialism have been interpreted from a variety of viewpoints. Imperialism was promoted for the exclusive control of imperialist group over producing or selling the product to the imperialized nation. The imperial power takes raw materials from the colony and sells the product made from the raw materials in return, discouraging the development of any manufacturing industry which might compete with its own. (digitalhistory.uh.edu) Imperialism occurred during the late 19th Century and early 20th century. Imperialism was the imposition of colonial rule by European countries during the late nineteenth century. Imperialism has been found in the histories of Japan, Chinese Empire, the Roman Empire, Greece, the Byzantine Empire, parts of Africa, the Ottoman Empire, ancient Egypt, and India. The imperialists such as Britain influence the countries like India, Africa, and other nation to reshape the community, and the nation for better and worse.
ReplyDeleteThe idea that one nation takes over other nation to gain access to the resources known as imperialism. Imperialism happens because of nation’s need to gain access to resources, lands, economic, and to spread cultural and beliefs to other nations. Imperialism has been a major force in shaping the world. Great Britain has a major world power in nineteenth century. Great Britain was recognized as strongest nation because of its technology, and strong navy which lead Britain toward militarism and industrialization. Even though Britain has a strong navy and technology among the nations, the Britain lacks in resources and lands. The country was smaller than any other nation and lacked resources and lands. Because Britain lacks resource and lands, Britain sought out to conquer nations for lands and resources. Great Britain imperialized many nations because of its strong navy and technology which was unfamiliar to other nation. Great Britain conquered India, Southeast Asia and parts of Africa. (Encyclopedia) Thus controlling over a nation Britain gained its resources and lands that lacks and continue to expand their status. On the other hand, the imperialized country such as India, Southern Asia, and parts of Africa benefitted from the imperialist.
This too much information, you might want to cut down the information in your introduction. Besides that your introduction included a lot of interesting fact, but you should make it more shorter. Your thesis was well written and was really clear. I think you shouldn't include two definitions in your introduction. I wouldn't start my sentence with a "because" , and you should revise that. Besides all the mistakes, this introduction is a well written piece.
DeleteYou really did your research, and it shows, but your context contradicts itself. You said imperialism is a 19-20th century thing so why are Romans, Egyptians and Indian and example of imperialism? Either change the sentence so that it doesn't contradict for previous claims, or just get rid of it. In your second paragraph don't restate what your reader already knows, which is imperialism, don't define it. As for your thesis, I feel like it's missing something at the end of the sentence, like "despite the negatives" or "as well" something within those lines if you catch my drift.
DeleteBut ya you is all set this is some great intro, if i do say so myself
Mohammad Farraj
ReplyDeleteThroughout the 1800s nations would expand themselves to gain more land and obtain more resources. However these nations became imperialist and imposed ideas on nations like Africa, Japan, etc.. that would have resources and wealth. In return they would spread their ideas. Even in modern day societies imperialism still has an effect like the Falkland islands in Argentina( CNN News by Dave Gilbert). In the 1800s Great Britain would imperialize other nations for land, resources and other raw materials that they see fit for themselves. This type of policy was both beneficial and detrimental to nations who would imperialize other nations. It would be beneficial because the imperialist would gain power, land and resources but yet the natives would loose land.
Imperialism has impacted nations in many different ways. A negative impact of imperialism would be imperialist dividing crops and resources unfairly for the indigenous people within south Africa (negative or positive for indigenous people). This affected the natives because they were being overpowered by the British. However a positive impact of imperialism would be the quality of merchandise is better and education for children is improved (negative or positive for indigenous people). Even when Africa is under British rule, products and education is improved. Overall imperialist would benefit more from imperialism because of their power.
Mohammad, you have really good info but you should give a little bit more details like what imperialism actually is. For the second paragraph it seems as if you were explaining to much and the last sentence isn't clear, like their power, what power? Try to clearify.
DeleteI agree with Mariam, you should add more context to your introduction. You should add more context about what imperialism is. Adding more context would help the reader better understand about imperialism and what you are trying to prove. For the second paragraph explain more on how education was improved and what about education improved. Overall, you did a great job you just needed to add more context to both paragraphs.
DeleteIt is a great paragraph with enough context and the thesis is clear. However, I think you should make a hook-up statement to draw your reader in and make the eassy more interested. Overall, the introduction is great but look out for the pronoun which confuses reader.
DeleteCindy Cai
ReplyDeletePd 8
Many things changed when imperialism took place in the 1800s. Imperialism means when a country’s power extends. The British imperialized countries like China, India, and Africa. There were who people gained power and others who lost power. The people who gain the power to control certain countries were the British. The Africans, Chinese and Indians were the ones who lost their power and land to the British. The reason for imperialism was because the British wanted more land to expand their country and to build factories. Besides for building factories, they wanted more land for natural resources like ivory from Africa (Personal Anecdote: Dutch Merchant, 1/3/13). Imperialism benefited the British the most, compared to the natives. Since the British had power, the natives had to listen to what they say. The British were also able to spread their culture and beliefs.
Even though the British benefited from imperialism, the natives did too. They lost their land and natural resources to the British, but they were able to find jobs to support themselves and their family. It was hard for natives to fight back because they were weak compared to the British. Most of them didn’t have the weapons to win a war. Countries that tried fighting the British would be defeated just like the boxer rebellion. After they get defeated, their land would be given to the British. The natives would lose all their natural resources and have no power at all. Being imperialized by the British wasn't always something negative because they would provide you with an education like they did for the Indians(Rammohun Roy). At the end, the British benefited the most from imperialism even if the natives benefited from imperialism too.
Your thesis for both paragaphs were clear and you did a beautiful job on taking on two perspectives. Although you did a great job, I have some suggestions to improve your writing:
DeleteFor the first paragraph,grammar and word choice can be improved. Also, there are too many pronouns used; you should be more specific on who you're talking about.I like how you mentioned the British and how they benefitted from imperialism but you didn't give enough context on how the British had power. For the second paragraph,you should include more context on why the Indians was the weaker country. Your organization was good, but you can use word choice to make your paragraph interesting.
You have great ideas, and facts, and evidence. I love that! especially how you were mentioning ivory from Africa and the boxer rebellion. Even though it was brief, it was still great that you added that. However, I agree with Jennifer, you use too many pronouns and even words like "people" is confusing. You should also add on to your definition of imperialism, it's not wrong, it's just missing some important aspect, which you can find if you look it up online. And explain why British were a more strong imperialist power then the native, who were also imperialist within their own continent. Anyway I love your ideas, and i have no major complaints besides the ones I told you. Good job :)
DeleteJennifer Chan
ReplyDeleteImperialism has played a major role in the nineteenth century. Imperialism is when a stronger country goes into a weaker country with a goal and hopes of spreading culture and industrialization. Reasons why the powerful takes over the weak are so they can gain politically, socially, and economically through industrialization. Great Britain is a very powerful country that has imperialized many countries because of their established power and control they gained overtime. The British are able to take over giant amounts of land because of their strong military and advanced technology. The British believed that imperializing a country is a job that has many duties that needs to be fulfilled and it has many responsibilities that are needed(McDougal-Littell 1/26/13). Great Britain wanted to imperialize other nations because of their nationalism. Nationalism is the strong sense of pride one has in their nation. The British believed that their culture and advanced technology can improve other countries; they believed that their nation was better than others (Rit Nosotro 1/26/13). The British started to then proceed to imperialize weaker countries such as the Indians and Africans. They gained resources from imperializing weaker countries and hope that their culture has improved the lives of the Indians and Africans as well (McDougal-Littell 1/26/13).
Although the British has gained from imperialism, the Indians and Africans gained too. The Indians and Africans were imperialized by the British because they were weaker countries. They lacked the technology the British had. The British has helped the lives of the Indians by offering jobs from tanneries built in their towns. The tannery was considered a boon to the villagers-it improved their lives from the money they were earning. (Markandaya 50).The British has helped the Africans by helping to build a Sanskrit school for the natives there. The British helped the Africans gain knowledge by giving them a place where they can be educated. The imperialists (British) hired paying teachers to help educate the imperialized. (Rammohun Roy). The British gave the Africans European implement-plows; now they can buy clothes. This is an advance because now they can become more civilized (Ndansi Kumalo).The Indians, Africans, and British gained benefits throughout the process of imperializing. Industrialization can lead to both benefits and harms depending on the perspective taken. Although the imperialists benefitted from the imperialized, the imperialized benefitted more from cultural diffusion.
In your first paragraph you did a nice job with context. You had enough context on what imperialism is. Even though you had enough context, your first paragraph shouldn't had ended with evidence and citation because you would leave your readers hanging.You should add more context to your evidence before you start a new paragraph. For your second paragraph i think you had enough context on what Africans gained. Your paragraph was clear on what the British,Indians and Africans benefited from imperialism. Overall,you did a nice job on your introduction.
DeleteYour introduction is very well done. You did a great job on including context to keep the readers interested. The context is clear and oragnized. There is enough citations and evidences to suport you thesis. Your thesis is also very clear to the reader. The structure of your introduciton is very organized for the reader to understand. I also really liked how you used transition words. Good job!
DeleteSally Wu
ReplyDeleteOne of the country's domination of political, economic, and social life of another country leads to the dominant country gaining resource, and industrializing the weaker countries. During the 1800's, industrialization in Europe led to a high demand for raw materials. European countries profited from paying low wages to colonial workers. European countries expanded their territory and established military bases. They wanted to boost National pride and gain power. Europeans believed their way of life was superior. They thought people needed to be "civilize". The spread of their language, culture, and advancements such as education justify that European countries are stronger than others (1/25/13).Imperialism has occurred in places like Africa, India, China, Burma and more to gain resources and spread culture. European countries have imperialized the weaker countries for their benefits.
European countries were able to benefit from the colonized countries and provided them with benefits. They provided them with education, religion, culture, and their advancements. However conflict arose because of imperialism on the native's lands. Natives in China revolted against imperialism but failed. The Chinese were not pleased how the British were polluting their land with strange buildings, culture, machines and telegraph lines (History- Boxer Rebellion).European countries were providing the natives with what they had because the Europeans thought the natives were not civilized (Twian). Natives such as the Indians were also not satisfied of what the Europeans countries have brought them (Roy). Imperialism was actually changing culture, religion and lifestyle of the natives. Additionally, the natives from Africa, India, China, and Burma did not benefit from imperialism.
Your thesis was clear and understanding. I loved how organized your paragraphs were. Although you did a fantastic job, there are some room for improvement.
DeleteFor the first paragraph, your first sentence is a bit confusing to me. I liked how you mentioned the goals of the Europeans and how they wanted to spread their culture. You gave enough context and showed the benefits the Europeans gained. For the second paragraph, I liked how you showed the benefits the Europeans gave to the weaker countries. You had enough context and did a beautiful job
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ReplyDeleteTony Chen
ReplyDeleteIntroduction 1:
During the 19th century, the British imperialized foreign countries which led to additional expansion of their own empire. Imperialism is a way of showing how a vigorous empire conquers a weaker country to gain resources for expansion. Great Britain was an industrialized nation before they started taking over Africa, Burma, and Asia. This allows them to become the first successful and powerful nation in the world before others. The British Empire feels the need to improve their empire more; therefore, they decided to colonize Africa for access of raw materials and resources (Why did imperialists scramble for Africa?). Since the British already controlled the Suez Canal in Egypt, they had already access to some parts of Africa and use the resource there to produce goods for their nation as a way to improve their industrialization. The British Empire had gained more lands and resources on Africa. However, the indigenous acquires more benefits from the British imperialism.
Introduction 2:
While the British Empire acquired benefits from imperialism, the indigenous country also gained benefits. Since the imperialists took over the weaker countries, they could be more advance than usual. There were improvements in technologies in Africa and Asia such as the introducing of the cars, trains, telephones and official postal services. (1/25/13). Other benefits on Africa and Asia include updates in health and medical treatments, which introduce the Africans new medicines to treat health problems. British imperialism benefits Asia and Africa since their country is now a industrialized nation.
Organization- It is organized clearly putting the context in the beginning and the thesis statement at the end which is more better for readers to capture their attention.
Deletecontent- I think before you state Great Britain you should include more context about where imperialism started(for ex.in europe). And you should also include how imperialized countries take over one another. I liked the thesis statements because they were clear for readers to understand what your main question is of what your proving.
Also, other than raw materials and resources why else did the British want to imperialize nations. Make it sound more interesting.
It also addresses two perspectives which is great for the readers to spot it.
There are a few grammer mistakes but everything else is fine.
Tony, your introduction is full of context. It has a lot of details and information about imperialism that educates me. Your context is interesting and draws the reader to continuse reading it. it always backs up your thesis which makes your thesis strong. Your thesis is also clear to the reader. Overall, Your introduction is well done, organized, and clear.
DeleteThanks Nawal, and Sally. I appreciate your comments!
DeleteNawal Hamdan
ReplyDeleteThe dominance and extension of a country's power and influence by military force is known as imperialism. When nations imperialize weaker nations, cultural diffusion is spread among the natives. However, a country gained this social, economic, and political power of imperialism from the Industrial Revolution. In advance, the stronger nations combine the methods of industrialization and nationalism to become a strong and powerful nation. During the 1800s, imperialism commenced with European nations, especially Great Britain. It was a strongly technologically advanced nation that was able to imperialize many nations through force. The result of British imperialism was the expansion of land, power, and gain of raw materials and resources (Caswell 1/22/13).Britain gained parts of Africa, China, and India. It benefitted greatly due to the expansion of land that led to other significant achievements.
On the other hand, the natives also reaped benefits from British imperialism. Education was a very important influence. It was beneficial especially to the young children who would grow up to be strong leaders who knew how to read and write. Many schools opened and college professors were available for assistance (Roy-Letter to British). There were also benefits such as trade, expanded production, and huge railroad and irrigation systems (Imperialism in India).Technology was also a great benefit to the natives which made everything less efficient and technology goes back to the Age of Industrialization. Although, Britain and the imperialized nations benefitted from imperialism, Britain had benefitted more.
Nawal,your word choice is very good! I like how you use words such as "benefit" and replacing Africans and Asians with "natives." Also, your context provides me a clear understanding of what you are going to talk about. Your thesis was very clear and easy to make others understand. Overall, I think your introductions is very good.
DeleteYour second paragraph in my opinion is perfect and it flowed really well.
DeleteThe first paragraph slightly confuses me because when you wrote "however", I don't see the contrast from the previous sentence. The transition word "in advance" is confusing. Maybe you can change it to "in addition". The paragraphs are awesome:{D
Elaine Kuang
ReplyDeleteImperialism mainly took place in the nineteenth century. Imperialism is a policy in which a more advanced country gains control of a lesser advanced country. The more advanced country, or imperialist country instills laws, education, and other systems to the imperialized country. An example of an imperialist country is Britain. Industrialization and nationalism enabled Britain to become an imperial power. Britain and other imperialist countries had pride for their religion, machinery, and ideas. Therefore, the imperialist country feels that they are obligated to take over other countries because they are more advanced (Kipling 30.Jan.2013). This benefited the natives because they were provided free education (Roy 30.Jan.2013). The wealth and knowledge of the imperialist country improved the imperialized country.
Although there were benefits from imperialism, not all of the effects were positive. The imperialist country’s nationalism can be harmful. For instance, a country’s pride can cause them to feel superior and forcibly alter how the natives live their lives (British Rule, Impact of British Rule in India, indianetzone, 19 November 2012.Web 30.Jan.2013). Culture, religion, and social status are lost through imperialism. Overall, the benefits of imperialism outweigh the negative aspects.
This is awesome, fascinating, incredible, marvelous, prodigious, shocking, stunning, surprising, unbelievable, wonderful!
DeleteI especially love the second paragraph and for both, no major complents. It follwos well and you have all nessary information and context. I just wish you can explain this in a more interesting way and not really strictly "a happened then b then c," etc.
i really loved your organization. However, I think you should state why the British imperialized other nations. What did they want? Why did they imperialize? I also loved how you stated Industrialization and nationalism but I just think you should say how industrialization and nationalism made Britain a strong nation of imperializing weaker and less advanced nations. You also stated two sides which you showed in your thesis statements. For the second intro, you should explain how culture, religion, and social status are lost through imperialism. Did the British change their culture, religion, and social status in a forcible way or a way that transformed them slowly without the natives feeling it. I think that would make your second intro more interesting :) Other than that great grammer and punctuation!!
DeleteEvelin Miranda
ReplyDeleteImperialism is the policy of extending a nations authority by territorial acquisition or by the establishment of economic and political influence over other nations (Wikipedia). Imperialism started in 1870 when modern, relatively developed nations were taking over less developed areas, colonizing them, or influencing them in order to expand their own power (Wikipedia: imperialism). Great Britain was a major role in imperialism. Great Britain was strong and powerful and it was already industrializing. However, Great Britain lacked land. Great Britain imperialized, gained control of, countries like Africa and India. Africa had benefits to the British. Africa had natural resources and a lot of land (Wikipedia). The British first went to Africa in 1881 and they had been mapped first in 1835, that's how Africa was found (Wikipedia). The British invaded Africa because of their land (Parenti). Although, in the 1830s, India was taken over by the British. India had natural resources and had many markets. (regents prep: imperialism). Great Britain wanted to obtain the natural resources from India (regents prep). However, the British weren't the only ones benefiting.
The natives had many resources that the British wanted (Wikipedia). Africa had natural resources and a lot of land which benefited the British. India also had natural resources which helped the British expand (Wikipedia). Although, it seems as only Britain has benefited, the natives have gotten some of the goods in return. The military of India became stronger since the British officers were there (Orwell). They were able to defend them selves from harm. In Africa, schools were built so that children and adults could learn. Also, medicine technology improved since the British got to Africa (Achebe). Overall, the natives of the imperialized countries have indeed benefited from imperialism.
Acquisition, great word choice! What you would need to change is your information because wikipedia is not always true!!! It is most definetely not a good source to use! Try using sources such as .edu .gov but not .com , or your history/english/honors.
DeleteYou should change your sentence "Great Britain was a major role in imperialism" since it makes no sense. Instead, you can say "Great Britain was one of the countries, who played a major role in Imperialism".
Check your grammar, make your introductions more interesting and catchy for the readers, and have a thesis for your first intro.
I am sure your revised one would look so much better!:)
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ReplyDeleteVeronica Velikovskaya
ReplyDeleteIntroduction #1
When a dominant country conquers or takes over a weaker country for benefit, it is known as Imperialism. Many dominant countries imperialize in order to gain lots of natural resources. One of those dominant countries was Great Britain, in the 1800s. Great Britain is a European country which had experienced Industrialization(The Industrial Revolution, Global History III, 12/5/12). This means that Great Britain had all the power to imperialize, since they needed resources the most. Eventually, this had really benefited them in many ways because they got what they wanted and were satisfied with it (The Age Of Imperialism, Global History III, 1/3/13). Not only did they seize goods from foreign lands, but they also became wealthier( Markandaya 1/3/13). Many individuals notice that not only did the Imperialism happened in history, but it is still happening in the modern world, around them, as well (struggle.net/saia/afghanwar.htm 1/29/13). Overall, Britain's dream did come true since they were able to become successful and experience significant achievements, all due to imperialism.
Introduction #2
Although Great Britain was able to have a beneficial impact through Imperialism, the indigenous people, also known as the natives, benefited as well. Despite the fact that Britain obtained resources from imperialized nations, for exchange, they had spread their ideas,culture, and religion to the natives. This had benefited the natives,such as Africans and Indians, since they both got introduced to technology and education. The British have established Sanskrit school in India(Roy-Letter to British 1/12/13). Even though Sanskrit was already current/common in India, it still did not harm them in any way. They were quite upset, but the British only wanted to provide them with good education. On the other hand, Africans did experience new education and technology(Achebe 1/4/13). The British have created schools to provide them with useful education and hospitals. Hospitals were the most important, since they contained medicine, which helped to cure people from diseases. All in all, both imperialized countries and Great Britain have had a positive impact on Imperialism.
I am simply drawn into these 2 paragraphs. It is well organized and it followed in sequence. The context was simply helpful, it was very thorough and it clearly revealed your position on this particular issue. I would just advise you to focus on your diction, it will greatly improve your paragraphs. All in all, it was very interesting and thorough. Great Job!
DeleteI loved how you included the definiton for imperialism. I think the third sentence needs to be reworded differntly because it is confusing. There is too many pronouns in the first introduction paragraph. I loved your last sentence in your first paragraph. Your first paragraph flowed beautifully with no confusion and clear enough for your audience to understand. I loved for how you included a transition sentence in paragraph two. Your thesis statement is well organized.
DeleteDiana Khass
ReplyDeleteImperialism is defined as a nation conquering a small nation for their natural resources, technology and used to spread their beliefs to the natives. Imperialism has taken a large role in the nineteen and twentieth century. The European Empires has decided to imperialize in order to allow their empire to grow. One country that imperialized to expand their empire is the British. The British wanted their empire to be the most powerful, they conveyed this by imperializing. Great Britain took advantage of India’s land. They used the land to build tanneries to allow them to have industries Markandaya 30). The British took their natural resources such as sugar, dhal, and ghee (Markandaya 32). Ever since the imperialist took Indi’s natural resources the natives never tasted them for a long time. The British imperialized Africa, this allowed tem to spread their religion of Christianity. When spreading their religion it created an interest in Africa and people converted to Christians (Achebe 184-185). This allowed the imperialist to expand their religion and have more people coming to their church to learn about the religion. They also gained form their natural resources such as rubber and minerals. However, Imperialist did gain elements from imperialism.
However, counties that were imperialized did benefit from the imperialist. In India, the imperialist built tanneries which allowed the natives to have jobs. It gave many people jobs and they earned money (Markandaya 63). Natives benefited because at this time no one had money because their farms had been destroyed and they became to starve and had no money to eat. In Africa, the natives did not have any technology to protect themselves. When Africa was imperialized the British brought with them technology. Africans were able to have medicine treatments for diseases such as malaria and yellow fever. Many Africans were able to live because of the medicine the British had brought with them . Imperialized countries had greatly benefited form the imperialist.
The first paragraph included enough context but the tense didn't make sense. You had gone back and forth from past to and present tense, which had made it confusing to the reader. Also, some of the spelling had been off. For the second paragraph, try to explain how technology had benefitted them too. You had stated it but never explained how that was beneficial for the natives. Over all, there was enough context in your paragraphs but your tense and spelling had been off. Nice job!
DeleteOrganization- You should change your structure since as Stephanie said, you been going back and forth.
DeleteContent- Your context was satisfactory, but what would be better is if you used evidence from your history sources. Remember, books could be fiction!! Fiction books are not real and don't contain facts! Try fitting in some context from your history class since it would be much better with all those years and places.
Interest- As a reader, I was quite lost in what you were trying to say because of your organization. It didn't really interest me since all you were talking about was what happened in the books. You should try to catch the readers attention and not just write all of the information down. You can do it!! :)
Thesis- For your first introduction, you should give a clear thesis statement since the reader is quite confused on your position. Your thesis for your second intro was well done!(:
Errors- You have made lots of silly mistakes in your grammar & in punctuation. Change nineteen century to the nineteenth* century. Don't forget to put commas in places where needed since it seems to be run-on. Try changing this sentence"The British wanted their empire to be the most powerful, they conveyed this by imperializing" by putting a period instead of a comma, or, you can rewrite it as "The British wanted their empire to be powerful,and so, they did that by imperializing weaker nations.
There are many more errors that you have made so just reread what you wrote and look for other misspellings.
Stephanie Flores
ReplyDeleteImperialism had taken place throughout the 1800s. Imperialism is the extension of national power or the influence of other countries through direct or indirect control to get resources. One of the imperialist countries was Great Britain. The British were advanced in technology, weapons but they barely had any land and resources (12/17/13) They used imperialism to spread their beliefs while also getting land and resources. For this reason the British had imperialized parts of Africa, India, China, etc. In Imperializing these countries, the British were able to grow, land wise, while also getting all the resources they need to keep on making materials. The more the British would imperialize, the more stronger they would become. This was why imperialist would benefit from imperialism.
While the imperialist benefited from imperialism, the imperialized countries also gained benefits. When the British imperialized Africa, they provided them schools, a new form of religion and job opportunities (Achebe) With the new schools the imperialist were providing, the people had more opportunities offered to them. Also, with the new type of religion the British is showing the Africans, they know they have more options. If they feel that their own religion is harming them, then they could change into a new one. With job opportunities, the people are offered a place to work to make money for themselves and family. This shows that imperialism not only benefits the imperialist but also the imperialized country.
It was a great way you explained the context of the British imperializing other countries. I think you should include on how the Brtish managed to imperialize other countries. Other than that, you explained how the imperializing country benefited frok imperialism. Great Job :)
DeleteI loved how you put the definition of imperialsim in there, you helped the audience understand your topic. You did a good job making your paragraph flow. There was no confusion and your topic sentences for the 2nd paragraph was excellent. It was said beautifully. For the topic sentence for the first one,I think its need to be reworded. For example overall, imperialist have benefited from imperialism.
DeleteIntro 1
ReplyDeleteThroughout the late 1800's, Great Britain was one of the richest and most powerful country in the world because of the Industrial revolution. They used manufactured goods but they needed more raw materials to be able to produce the manufactured goods. So they imperialized countries like Africa and India to get manufactured goods. Imperialism is a policy of extending a country's power and influence through diplomacy and military force. They also wanted to imperialize other countries to show how powerful they are and they wanted to spread their influence by spreading their culture and beliefs ( British Imperialism In Africa). The British felt that the other countries needed help since they didn't know how to live (Poetry-Global History). India and Africa did try to retaliate back but they failed as the British were too advanced for them and the British remained there ( British Trading Ports). Despite all of that trouble, Africa and India had a positive influence by the British.
Intro 2
Through imperialism, Africa and India have been influenced by the British after being imperialized. Education has been better for India as education got upgraded as they teach more topics in education that could benefit the future ( Letter From Roy). With good education, the future can change. Africa had several people convert to Christianity and have a better education to get new jobs( Things Fall Apart Achebe 181). Thanks to the British coming over, they got the resources and in exchange, the Indians and Africans received a great way to live, better education and better opportunities in life. They both have benefited each other in a good way.
In the first paragraph, you had enough context on what imperialism was, but you rally didnt explain why the natives didn't know how to live. Try to give examples on how they lived before imperialism took over. For your second paragraph, there had been enough context stated but you didnt state enough information how how education was a benefit. But, you had enough context for both paragraphs so good job!!
DeleteMaruful,I felt your introduction was good. You provided the reader with enough context,but you should use less pronouns and be more specific.I also noticed that you switched verbs tenses,and that some sentences did not flow or make sense, especially in your second paragraph.I found that you repeated yourself a couple of times. For your thesis,I am unclear on what your position is. You mentioned both positions, but make your position clearer.
DeleteJasmine Pacheco
ReplyDeleteThroughout the 1800s and early 1900s, intensive imperial expansion took place among European nations and Japan. When imperialism occurs, a nation is extending its country’s power and influence over a foreign land. It dominates the foreign countries economic, political, and cultural life. Britain, one of the European nations, imperialized many countries including parts of India and Africa. It had undergone many changes to enable itself to imperialize. Britain’s expansion was fueled by capitalism, industrialism, and nationalism. Britain was the first nation to have an industrial revolution. Its industrial revolution created a large demand for raw materials and new markets, therefore forcing Britain to look for new land who offered this. Britain also wanted to show the other nations that it was powerful and able to get land. Other nations were getting new colonies, so to keep up with the competition and to get balance of power, it colonized foreign land( Caswell, Jan. 21 2013). This shows that Britain profited from imperialism.
However, although Britain profited from imperialism, the natives benefited from it as well. When the British colonized parts of India and Africa, they felt a sense of superiority among the native population. Because they felt this way, Britain heavily influenced these countries with its culture. Beneficial impacts that came from this were the establishment of a new form of government, schools, and hospitals (Goucher, Jan. 21, 2013). These new impacts were beneficial to the people of India and Africa thus proving that the natives benefited from imperialism. All in all, although Britain advanced from imperialism, the natives benefited more.
You had great context. I think you should elaborate more on the benefits and how it impacted the imperialized country. Other than that, the thesis is stated clearly and good organization :)
DeleteJasmine, your introduction is well organized and has a nice flow to it.i can follow your thoughts and expalantion on imperialism. There`s enough infromation in the introduction for the reader to follow your thoughts.i think it`s interesting, you have nice word choices but you should improve your grammar, there`s only like one or two mistakes. Also, your thesis is very clear and specific but doesn`t have two prespectives in it. All in all, i think your intro is good. (:
DeleteOdalis Alcaide
ReplyDeleteIntroduction 1:
In the nineteenth imperialism started to appear. Great Britain started to imperialize India, Africa, and Burma. Imperialism is when a superior country overpowers an inferior country for their resources and to expand their empire. Since Great Britain was more advanced than any other country in the world at the time, they thought to spread their knowledge. Britain believed that it was their duty to civilize the native people. (Ferry, Global History) One of these countries actually asked to be imperialized. This country wanted to have a better education to improve mathematics, philosophy, chemistry, anatomy, and other sciences in their country. (Roy 1) The other countries didn’t and had to live with being imperialized. Imperialism caused conflict within countries that the natives wanted the imperialist to leave. However, the natives did benefit from imperialism.
Introduction 2:
Ages ago many empires and nations wanted to expand their empires and have authority over inferior countries. Britain was one of the imperialists who during the nineteenth century imperialized Africa, India, and Burma. Britain was already industrialized and was considered an advanced country. Britain thought that it was their duty to civilize the inferior countries. (Ferry, Global History) Britain was the superior country that took authority over the inferior countries like Africa, India, and Burma for their resources and land. Some of the imperialism movements caused conflict and also culture diffusion. Many natives didn’t want the British in their country. Also, many cultures were combined into one. (Markandaya 67-69) All in all, the natives did benefit from imperialism.
Odalis, you did a well job giving the basics of imperialism for the audience to understand the context. But in your context, for example, "Some of the imperialism movements caused conflict and also culture diffusion," you should try giving at least a few examples of what were the conflicts and cultural diffusion for the reader to have an idea of what you will talk about. Overall, you did a well job :)
DeleteOdalis, overall I think your paragraphs are good, but they just have to be connected and you have to introduce the other perspective. You also have minor grammar mistakes and in the first paragraph you should state what country wanted to be imperialized and which didn't. Since you were absent, you can look at the other posts to help you too, good luck!
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ReplyDeleteImperialism is when a stronger nation dominates the weaker nation to gain resources and spread their culture and beliefs. In Europe during the industrial revolution, Great Britain became really advanced and was able to build a strong navy (Honors- Discussion Power Point) Because Great Britain had industrialized and a strong navy, Great Britain begun to imperialize other nations, such as India and Africa. In the nineteenth century, this had led other nations from Europe to imperialize weaker nations. This was when imperialism began. As the Great Britain imperialized the weak nations, Great Britain was gaining more resources and lands to continue expand their empire (The Age of Imperialism, Global History). Great Britain was successful because they had benefitted from Imperialism.
ReplyDeleteIn the other hand, native countries had benefitted from Imperialism as well. As Great Britain imperialized India, the natives of India was benefitting from the British because the British had provided the natives an education system like the Sanskrit School (Roy Letter to British). Although they were given this oppporunity of education, the British took advantage and didn’t give the Indians the education they wanted. Although native’s nation benefitted from imperialism, Great Britain had more of a beneficial from imperialism to being successful.
Your first introduction seems a bit confusing and repetitive, some things should be moved around. When you stated "Great Britain became really advanced and was able to build a strong navy because great britain had industrialized and a strong navy." This part is missing evidence and it's repetitive. Your second paragraph is also quite confusing, you should add why didn't the British give the Indians what they wanted. Also you should include the other natives that you takled about in the first intro. Your thesis for both paragraphs are confusing because there aren't two sides. You also have a few grammatical errors.
DeleteOverall, your introductions are full of details.
Derek, i agree with Lina, your introductions are confusing. Also, i know where your thesis is but it`s a bit confusing because on your word choice. instead of saying "Great britain had more of a beneficial from imperialism" it should be Great Britain benefitted more from imperialism. just an idea. i think there`s enough context.
DeleteGreat Britain was one of the most powerful nations because they were the first ones to begin industrializing which meant that they were the first to create and adapt to the new advancements that other nations have not used or seen before (Ellis and Esler,The Beginning of Industrial Revolution). Industrialization has brought the British into imperialism where they conquered the weaker nations because of the dependency they had over their resources. The loss of power in the weaker nations that are resulted from imperialism has brought foreign cultures and beliefs of the British into their countries. The colonization of the British over the weaker nations who are known as the natives are the Africans, Asians and Indians. The British’s act of imperializing Africa, China, and India has brought many beneficial factors into their nation that they depended on. The British depended on the rich mining resources that Africa had provided them with, the raw materials that were sold at very cheap rates in India, and the trades of Opium, a drug, that influenced China’s trading businesses by a lot (Arun Prabhu, 1/18/12). These dependencies gave British the expansion in their economy and nation which has benefited them more than the natives.
ReplyDeleteThe invasion and imperialization of Africa, China, and India hasn’t just brought negativities to the natives’ lives there were also benefits. The desire of expansion from the British has urged them to spread their culture and beliefs of Christianity to the natives (Arjun 1/18/12).. The sudden change of religion/culture in Africa, China, and India has upset many people living in the country because this meant that part of their basic rights were taken away. Although Christianity was forced upon the natives they were also introduced to many advancements that made their lives better. Many technological advancements like trains, cars, post office services were introduced and replaced the horses, dirt roads, and messengers (Arjun 1/18/12). This change created more happiness for the lives of the natives because it was an improvement to what they were used to. Transportation was easier and more job opportunities were available as the increase of manufactured goods were introduced by the British. Great Britain’s domination on the natives has also provided more schools and knowledge for many civilians and this created a better sense to what they should do about their health. With that, new medicine was presented and this overthrown the negativities that came from imperialism. The natives who were imperialized by the British during imperialism has benefited more than the imperialists.
The context you had for your introductory paragraphs was good, and it was well organized. I am confused on one thing though. In the first paragraph, you stated that the british had benefitted more than the natives, but then in your second paragraph, you stated that the native benefitted more than the imperialists. Your thesis isnt clear, so I think you should state a clear position. state who benefitted more, just once. If you think one benefitted more than the other, state it, however dont say the same for the other position. Other than that, it was really good.
DeleteBy imperialists i meant the British, so it does show two opposing sides. Thank you for your feedback!
DeleteHIIII Lina, I like how you clearly showed the two sided point of views of the Imperialists and the Natives. You did a well job giving context for the audience to understand what they need to know about imperialisml. Although you gave context, you don't have many sources to show where you got your information.
DeleteAlso, for the second paragraph, you can try adding a transition word to show the reader that you will state the other side of the arguement.
Overall, good job. And you did a nice job in your thesis, it clearly shows your position.
ReplyDeleteJamila Bakhit
Imperialism started in the late 1800's. Imperialism is when a country takes over another undeveloped country. This usually happens because imperialists strive for natural resources, profit, to spread their influence, and widen their boarders. British and European powers such as Germany, Italy, France, and Spain widened their boarders to areas like The Middle East, parts of Africa, India, and Burma. The countries getting imperialized furthermore got introduced to several factors, including new systems of government, technology, religion, and culture. The age of imperialism was a time where nations expanded their influence to other countries. It had a significant impact on the way people lived and transformed the cultures of many countries. To a certain extent, the imperialized countries were satisfied with their gains. Source: (Berlin Conference, Global History Worksheet)
Although the imperialized obtain benefits from the imperialists, they often times find themselves being taken advantage of. Factors like culture and religion slowly fade away as new aspects are introduced to the imperialized country. Imperialism additionally brought upon much conflict to the imperialized country. For example, Indians felt as if the Europeans that came and took over did not know much about their country, thus not having the appropriate capabilities to imperialize their land. Additionally, it is common for the imperialized country to feel as if it is economically unstable, due to the fact that top jobs and employment go to the imperialists. Ultimately, the imperialized were not satisfied with their gains.
Source: ( Roy, Letter to Lord Amherst)
P.S. so I kinda pressed back space several times with the intentions of deleting a sentence, but noooooo, with my luck, my computer magically redirected me to the page I was on before and just as I was on the verge of being done, everything got deleted and I had to start over again. :c
your hot
DeleteGreat Job Jamilia! You did not confuse me because you did a fantasic job with the trasformation from one persepctive to another. I really liked how you introduce the reader into one of the conflicts that imperalism caused so that the reader can get a sense of what your view is on imperialism. I also like that in your last sentence you showed what your view on imerialism is by saying "ultimately" giving the reader your overall perspective on how imperialism was eitehr statisfied or not statisfied. Nice Job! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK GIRL!!!!!
DeleteThese paragraphs are very informative and present good topics to explain later in your essay. You also state your position very clearly and concisely. Good job!
DeleteYou should always revise your paragraphs and check for minor errors. In your first paragraph, you stated,"strive for natural resources, profit, to spread their influence, and widen their boarders". This phrase sounds awkward since it is unparallel.
Try your best to correct these errors and your paragraphs will flow better. After that, you could work harder on trying to entertain the reader and make your essay even better. Good luck! :]
Your introduction was okay. You should add more and be more spefic with your definitions of imperialism. You should have added about which countries took over which, as in if the strong over ruled the weak or if other nations believed they were the best and deserved more. You position/claim is unclear to me. For me to find your claim I would have to reread it until I understand what your thesis is.
DeleteIn your first introduction where you stated,"The countries getting imperialized furthermore got introduced to several factors." I found it a bit awkward, like the word "furthermore" makes the sentence awkward, maybe you should change your word choice? For your second paragraph i think you should state who were the imperialists and imperialized (India and Europe, i feel like context after that would make it a bit stronger. You should also add more citations. Overall, everything is very well structured, there are no grammatical errors. Well done :]
DeleteThanks so much for the advice, it really helps with seeing someone else's perspective.
DeleteI'm confused on one thing though. Miguelina, I'm not sure on how to make my definition more specific. I tried to make it concise and to the point, and not generic like one that a person can find in the dictionary. I also stated towards the end that The age of imperialism was a time where nations expanded their influence to other countries, to sum it all up and put the reader in one direction. I also tried to stay away from being biased by saying that other countries thought they were the best and deserved more, because I don't know that or whether or not countries thought they were the "best". I also in the first paragraph included which countries took over what areas, so I'm not really sure what you mean exactly when you say "You should have added about which countries took over which". If you read over my last paragraph, in the last sentence, I clearly state that "Ultimately, the imperialized were not satisfied with their gains". That, is my thesis. I'm not really sure on how exactly you were confused by it because it seems straight to the point for me.
DeleteWHY DOES PERIOD 8 GET A PRETTIER PAGE?! Let the blog wars begin...
ReplyDeletebecause we're awesome!!!!!
DeletePeriod 8 honors humanities is the best in all possible worlds. We are fused with smart knowledge inside ourself which makes us too cool for Period 4. Anyway, good luck on the blog war because we definitely going to win no matter what. Please visit us next time!
DeleteJosephine Kwan
ReplyDeleteImperialism impacted the world immensly; when the most powerful countries conquered and took advantage of the weaker countries, people were affected worldwide. Since the imperialists took over the other country, new traditions and customs were instilled into both nations. This diffusion of cultures provided both beneficial and harmful effects to both the imperialists and the imperialiszed. In the eighteen hundreds, the British imperialized all of India. The British took resources and interfered with their system of government. Before the British entered India, India was split into hundreds of kingdoms. Since the British imperialized India, India became united. Therefore, even though the imperialized were taken advantage of, they also recieved benefits.(1/29/13)
The British imperialized India in order to obtain resources and expand British rule. In addition to that, the British spread their customs and cultures with the Indians, influencing India further. This cultural diffusion provided benefits for India by unitfyig it but it caused more liabilities than assets. These harmful effects include being ruled over, having little rights, and falling into poverty. Therefore, India, the imperialized, was harmed more from imperilization than it benefitted.(1/29/13)
Your thesis is clear, and I was not confused on where you stand regarding your position. However, with that being said I think you should include a bit more context, maybe about countries other than India. Also, in the first paragraph, you stated that imperialism had both harmful and beneficial impacts on the world. You are sort of putting the reader in different directions when you say that, therefore having to take only one side in your first paragraph. All in all, it was good.
DeleteImperialized* but phhsh that's not a big deal :).
DeleteIn the second paragraph though, I think it can be improved if there was a specific example given.
Also, the way the second paragraph was started with "The British", it felt a bit repetitive because it was already written in the first paragraph. Maybe you can begin the sentence with "When the British...". The sentence "This cultural diffusion provided benefits for India by unitfyig it but it caused more liabilities than assets" can be separated into two to make your two ideas clear.
I liked your introductions :D
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